she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
