I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
