I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
