I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to calm my uterus...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize