Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
