ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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