awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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