Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
