I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
