Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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