I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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