Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
