you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
