I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
