There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
