I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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