I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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