nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
