in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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