I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
