that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize