Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
