Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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