i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
