here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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