He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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