Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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