i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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