Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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