Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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