you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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