i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
