Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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