Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
