So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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