i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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