why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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