Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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