Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
