I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
