yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
