I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize