my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
