Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
