please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
