so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
