ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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