Apparently you make a good broom.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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