I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
