Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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