all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
