So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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