She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
