Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish there were birth control emojis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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