He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
