then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
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