i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
