I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
