We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
