the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
