Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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