So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
