My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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