He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
