the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
