Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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