I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
