We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
