I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
