Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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