I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
